My experience with Osho, starts when I was a confused, angry teenager, in 1989. I thought I was not understood and this left me with a feeling of being lost in the world. I felt I was living, but I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do with life. I lost my father that year, the person I was closest to. I went through the rituals of Hindu death ceremonies and found them to be absolutely false and superficial. The thought that one day I was going to die, left me with a strong feeling of ‘not this way’. But I knew no other way. So I was even more lost as I found life not very clear and death also seemed to be a confusion.
One day, I found a center spread picture of a man with the most peaceful face, resting on a half burning pyre, and many beautiful maroon robed women were dancing around him almost in a trance. The article below it was from a book of Osho, about celebrating death and breaking all boundaries of our known realities about life and death.
I soon arrived in Pune and then in the Buddha hall. My first meditation was Vipassna. As I closed my eyes, my heart raced at a record speed and I broke into sweat. I wondered if it was death! As I opened my eyes as an automatic reaction I found everything still and silent; afraid that I was just overthinking I closed my eyes again. That time I went into a deep relaxation and kept sitting still for a very long time. I was hooked, I realized that the relaxation, peace and inner beauty that I had experienced was what Osho spoke of as life and death. The adventure began, the mysterious path of a disciple and guru the relationship, of unspoken love and support, and of surrender. Death brought me to life.
My experience at Nisarga: I arrived at Nisarga, the first time to participate in the group ‘Tantra Meditation Retreat’, prior to which I had only known Pune as an Osho commune. Nisarga was the beginning of my second chapter with Osho.
As the days passed the picturesque beauty of the place transformed into a mystery. I had not experienced earlier such a presence of the beyond. Something that could only be experienced and absorbed, and not be explained. It opened a space in me, of realizing that I know nothing. Whatever I thought of Osho, spirituality, years of practice, all seemed to fall into place, in a moment. I continued my journey. I found here, a safe space, warm with love, and caring with awareness, helping my processing; soon I started to feel at home.
As the years have passed, the relating with Nisarga has become more transparent. I come here with my needs, whether it is a group, or just to take a break from the outside world, and relax, eat, sleep; sometimes it’s just a loving sharing with Ma Neelam, a laugh with others and silence with nature, I find everything here.